I don’t care what you intend. I care about how it affects me!

Posted on February 9th, 2010, by DrShaler

So frequently, people don’t speak up when they are repeatedly harassed. They sometimes think they are supposed to understand that the person “doesn’t really mean it!” or that they“just have to put up with it to keep my job!”. They might be right. However, there is one big thing you need to know:

When it comes to harassment, there is one piece of good news: harassment is determined more by the effect it has on the receiver than by the intentions of the initiator. So, in a perfect world, when you actually accuse someone of harassment, that will work in your favor.

I add the “perfect world” caveat because companies sometimes fail to use outside neutral mediators to manage harassment complaints. And, that’s a big mistake! They think they will save money by having an HR person, or a manager handle the problem, but they are usually nowhere near unbiased. They are involved in company politics, bottom lines and other concerns of keeping their jobs, too.

When you have a complaint about someone’s consistent or frequent belittling, demeaning, or discriminatory behavior, you deserve to have it mediated by an outside neutral person. Ask for that.

I wish you well.

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD,  Peace Catalyst.
Founder of Sow Peace™ International
Resolving Relationship Issues Healthily.
Recovering from Relationship Issues Wisely.
Communication | Conflict Management | Negotiation | Mediation | TeamBuilding

Do you have a specific question about your relationship with yourself, at home or at work?  Go to AskRhoberta.com and you will be answered in a personal video email.

Tags: , , , , , ,

Please leave a comment

  1. DrShaler Says:

    I hope so, too. Parents have their own point of view to which they are also entitled. Maybe the greatest outcome can be that you both willing to allow the other’s point of view to co-exist. No one needs to be right, only heard and respected, right?

    I wish you well.

    Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, is the author of Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work and eight other books. If you have a specific question, you can also ask it at AskRhoberta.com and receive your answer in a personal video email.